I murdered the dance floor call the cops
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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