he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize