I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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