my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
