I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
