I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
