doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
