yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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