I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
