He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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