well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
