I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
