it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
