now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
