Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
