sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
worst night to have a conscience
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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