i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
