Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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