Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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