He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
