I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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