Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
