it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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