If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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