Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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