Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
