I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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