i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
