im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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