I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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