i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize