How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
