I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
