Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
