Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
