i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
