i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
