You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
