So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
be right there i have to get my cape
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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