he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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