Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
