having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
