are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
