Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
