I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Boobs are out for the taking
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
