I'm really into asian looking animals
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
