so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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