I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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