This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
