I intend to get homeless drunk
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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