I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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