i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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