my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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