Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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