I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
