yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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