i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
