and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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