Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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