Got a toothbrush?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
