i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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