why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
