it's not cheating when I paid for it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
