If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
