lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
