We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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