My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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