I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How naked do you want me to be?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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