my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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