Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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