Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
