And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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