get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
