theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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