nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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