Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
