I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
