I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
