Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
