i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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