the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize