there's paper in my vomit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
