You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
