I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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