i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
