he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
even my farts smell like vagina
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
