My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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