is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
