I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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