i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
