I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
