i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
