The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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