At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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