Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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