i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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