Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Pants 0. Shit 1.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
