I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
