My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
