My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
