I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
